Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse

This site offers a nice, clear list of common spiritually abusive statements -- and responses from scripture -- in an easy-to-read format.

Spiritually Abusive Vocabulary

Two articles on the language of spiritual abuse. I just discovered this one on the Battered Sheep site called What Language Does your Church Speak? This one includes a whole vocabulary list that really captures the voice of spiritual abusers in churches. Some examples: angry, backslider, bitter spirit, disfellowshiping, a family matter, critical spirit, love gifts, open and transparent, oversight, rebellious heart or spirit, teachable, troublemaker, slander and many others.

The other is a Provender post, A Model of Spiritually Abusive Language, using a letter from a blog as a model. The letter uses many spiritually abusive techniques to shame its recipient, and it's enlightening to look at each method the writer uses to bring down his victim.

Con Artist Pastors

Con Artist Pastors? The Persecutors is a series on the African Bereans blog . It looks at many different aspects of abusive leaders and their helpers. In Part 12 of the series, blogger and minister Chris Efinda explores the covetous abusive leader. Here are some excerpts:

Con artists share these traits:

• tend to be excellent conversationalists
• exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith
• are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence.
• are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.
• look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.
• see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.
• claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.
• display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.
• appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.
• can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.
• don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.
• discredit their accusers when they are confronted.
• cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.
• are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.
• have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.
• are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.

The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs.

Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:

• Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.
• Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.
• Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.
• Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor.
• Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.
• Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.
• Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.
• Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.
• Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.
• Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]

When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.

There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.”

Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.

Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.

It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.

The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]

If you don't like it, why don't you just leave?

Why don't you just leave? This question comes to anyone confronting spiritual abuse in their group. In this case, the question is handled by a group of former Sovereign Grace Ministry members on SGM Survivors blog. The answers, though tailored to that one group, are useful for others as well.

Are you enabling an abusive church leader?

Is one of your main roles in the church acting as a dealer for a narcissistic church leader's ego-feeding needs? Are you inadvertently aiding spiritual abuse in your church when you cover for your pastor or elder? The post, Are You Covering for a Spiritually Abusive Pastor elicits the most visits on Provender, so I thought I'd include a link on the search page.

Video Resources on Spiritual Abuse

These links are to video presentations by Jeff VanVonderen, co-author of the groundbreaking work The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. Titles include these: The Abusive Religious System and How We Get Hooked. These videos are hosted on the National Association for Christian Recovery site.

Provender

The regular Provender site includes links to resources on spiritual abuse and cult-like behaviors in churches and groups. It also includes a few original posts on topics that seem noteworthy as well as links to Provender guest posts on other blogs. Provender is always seeking new resources on spiritual abuse and solicits links to good sites.

Abusive, Manipulative Relationships

Covert-aggressive personality is a disorder that could be behind abusive behaviors in some church leaders. Off a link at Under Much Grace blog is this article from a book called In Sheep's Clothing by George Simon, Jr. on tactics of manipulation. The excerpt is on Abusive, Manipulative Relationships and includes tactics such as these: evasion, covert intimidation, projecting blame, minimalization, vilifying the victim, playing the servant role, brandishing anger and more. Well worth investigating if it sounds like your pastor.

The Bereans

A blog with tremendously astute insights into spiritual abuse called The Bereans discusses many aspects of church leaders gone wrong. A post called The Enablers or the Persecutor's Last Line of Defense looks at those middle men or yes-men, the defenders of abusive pastors and their role in the church. Very eye-opening. I believe this blog may be from South Africa. The blogger takes a rational, calm approach and looks at all sides and motivations.