Two articles on the language of spiritual abuse. I just discovered this one on the Battered Sheep site called What Language Does your Church Speak? This one includes a whole vocabulary list that really captures the voice of spiritual abusers in churches. Some examples: angry, backslider, bitter spirit, disfellowshiping, a family matter, critical spirit, love gifts, open and transparent, oversight, rebellious heart or spirit, teachable, troublemaker, slander and many others.
The other is a Provender post, A Model of Spiritually Abusive Language, using a letter from a blog as a model. The letter uses many spiritually abusive techniques to shame its recipient, and it's enlightening to look at each method the writer uses to bring down his victim.