God works even in dangerous places

If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive? This article from truthguard.com points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.

Restoring the Heart blog

Restoring the Heart blog summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. It is a good resource because it is a blog from someone newly out of an abusive situation, sharing the unique insights of someone from a freshly-wounded perspective.

Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians

Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians, from Restoring the Heart blog, summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse.

Cults and Aberrant Groups

The web resource Cults and Aberrant Groups provides links to several articles on cults and cult-like churches or groups. Titles of articles include these: Nothing need go to waste; Aberrant Christianity (Both by Pat Knapp); Characteristics of a Cult; Anti-intellectualism, Legalism and the Cults; Evangelism and the Cults, Recovery from Spiritual Abuse by Sharon Hildebrant, M.A.; Starting an Ex-Cult Support Group and more.

Sociopathic leaders?

Unfortunately, not always open to public view Characteristics of a Sociopath, quoted in a now private, brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, Tales from the Crypt. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers.

Turning Pastors to gods

When has Authority Gone Too Far? This article, from Battered Sheep, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority:

The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word

The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you"

The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things

There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct

There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support

A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it

There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed"

There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe"

There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word

There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged)

There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it.

Mind Control

Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war, is this from Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform listed on the web site Refocus.

Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate

Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate: Thoughtful list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here are a few: Intimidation and accusation .... For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged.

churchabuse.com

churchabuse.com includes decent articles, especially on recovery from spiritual abuse -- as well as other resources. Article titles include Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse, Fear and Guilt: Recovering from Performance-based Relationships, Spiritual Identity Crisis? and others.

When the pastor says, "I know your heart"

This site sees Spiritual Abuse as a form of divination, when leaders pretend to know your mind, heart or motives. A unique angle. Never really thought of the occult angle.

I Know Your Heart

Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? Divination, Is It Real or Fake? by churchabuse.com, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. I never would have thought of these tactics as "divination" but when you look closely at what these pastors are doing, that's exactly what it is. Training you to use them as an eight-ball, more or less. A quote from the article: After being convinced that they had these powers over us, many of us gave these people control over our minds and our lives out of fear. This is one of the biggest hurdles to cross after escaping a spiritually abusive group.

The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse

This brief and clearly organized article from Australia in pdf format called The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies.

Spiritual Abuse as Idolatry

What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: If your god is not God, fire him. Highlights:
Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick:

The angry, abusive god

The abandoning god

The inattentive god

The impotent god

The shaming god

Use of Flattery in Spiritual Abuse

Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. This article from Wittenberg Gate explores the danger of flattery.

Battered Sheep

Battered Sheep Ministries: This site is a treasure trove of spiritual abuse resources. It provides links to various articles on spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: Abuse of Authority in the Church; The Bible and Spiritual Abuse; Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies? and many other great resources.

Clare's Blog

This Australian site Clare's Blog: Clergy Abuse Australia, (also drawing on The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else.

Narcissism in the Pulpit

Narcissism in the Pulpit, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."
Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...

Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual Abuse by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army pastor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church.

Characteristics of a Spiritual Abuser

Discovered at Under Much Grace blog is this perceptive collection of abuser traits - culled from several sources - entitled Characteristics of a Spiritual Abuser. It's all fascinating stuff, but among the most interesting to me are these headings: Demystifying the guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic

Fringe Churches

Voices from the Fringe is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see above) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups:

• An emphasis on spiritual experiences
• An increased focus on the role of demons
• A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
• A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
• An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
• Few checks and balances
• Minimal leadership accountability
• A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics

Barnabas Ministry

Barnabas Ministry offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site, you have to scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying.
Some of the evaluation questions:

What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?
Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?
Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?
Do you see problems with the system?
Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?
Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?
Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?
On another page of Barnabas Ministry , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.

Voices from the Fringe

Voices from the Fringe is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see above) writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups:

• An emphasis on spiritual experiences
• An increased focus on the role of demons
• A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
• A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
• An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
• Few checks and balances
• Minimal leadership accountability
• A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics

Quivering Daughters Blog

When women are primary targets of a spiritually abusive system, it helps to have support from other women. From a distinctly female perspective, Quivering Daughters blog provides support for women abuse victims and links to many good resources on spiritual abuse and victimhood.

VM Life Resources

VM Life Resources. This blog emphasizes recovery and is directed at the hardcore cult experience. It includes resources for identifying spiritual abuse and articles on cults. The blogger also has written a book entitled I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult that chronicles her time with an organization that seemed healthy but wasn't. Not sure what the VM stands for, but the site provides lots of good information, both for escapees and the curious.

What Really Matters blog

From Set Free on What Really Matters blog is this perspective on the gains you can experience if you leave an abusive group: Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:

Greater compassion and empathy towards others

Analytical thinking (You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.)

Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness (You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.)

Social/community activism (You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.)

Fearlessness (You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.)

Courage

Gratitude (You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.)

Inquisitiveness and curiosity (You realize it’s okay to question anything!)

Sense of direction and purpose

Flexibility

Openness

Ability to show emotion

Ability to be yourself

Ability to find meaning in adversity

Ability to cope with difficulties (After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!)

Spiritually Authority Weirdness

One of the best restatements of the thought of a person tempted to get involved in an authoritarian church is this from Spiritual Authority Weirdness on Thinking About It All blog: Hmm, God is really big on authority. I better really submit to Spiritual Leader X. There might be some times where I want more clarification... or even disagree, but I don’t want to even approach rebellion. I don’t want to rock the boat, I think I’ll just keep it to myself. It’s probably better that way because God will bless me if I submit to a leader, even if they are wrong or being abusive to me. I mean, look at Saul and David. Saul was trying to kill David and David submitted. I love God and I better submit, too.

Under Much Grace

Another blog with a panoply of resources

Under Much Grace is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it has lately been organized in an extremely useful way, with clear links to good sources.

The Cult Next Door

A well-designed and aesthetically creative blog on the topic is this one, called The Cult Next Door: Spiritual Abuse in Plain Sight. The blogger came from an extremely controlling church and her story will chill you to the bone.
Another blog with a panoply of resources

People of the Lie

People of the Lie, by Scott Peck includes helpful insights on different aspects of "evil people" including those responsible for spiritual abuse.

Not of my Making

Not of My Making by Margaret Jones tells of a woman who endured a series of abusive situations including abuse from two churches. The author's interview with Provender is here.

I Can't Hear God Anymore

I Can't Hear God Anymore: Life in a Dallas Cult is Wendy Duncan's tale of life in a Bible-based cult and her struggle to recover from its effects.

Signs of Spiritual Abuse

Many readers will no doubt shrink from the anti-Charismatic nature of a book by a Steven Lambert, ThD, mentioned on a site called "Real Truth" (Can there be a fake truth?) Nevertheless, some of the items Lambert provides on his site called Signs of Spiritual Abuse are worth considering. He lists 33 signs on his site, but I'll just list a handful:

• Apotheosis of the leadership — exalting them to God-like status in and over the group
• absolute authority of the leadership
• No real accountability of the leadership to the corporate body
• Pervasive abuse and misuse of authority in personal dealings with members
• Paranoia and insecurity by the leaders
• Abuse, misuse, and inordinate incidence of "church discipline"
• Doctrinal demeanment and devaluation — the requisite of espousing and teaching "sound doctrine" is demeaned and devalued
• Theological incompetency by the leadership, especially with respect to the rules of hermeneutics and Bible exegesis employed in the formulation of doctrine, giving license to twisting and adulteration of Scripture in order to provide proof-texts for unorthodox and invented doctrines
• Spiritualism, mysticism, and unproven doctrines
• De facto legalism, or works mentality, and its resulting loss of the "joy of salvation," though "freedom" is forever preached from the pulpit and the church is constantly touted as being a "safe church" by the leadership
• Isolationism — corporate and individual, especially with respect to exposure to outside ministry sources
• Devaluation, suppression, and non-recognition of members' bona fide God-given talents, abilities, gifts, callings, and anointing, as a means of subjugation
• Constant indoctrination with a "group" or "family" mentality that impels members to exalt the corporate "life" and goals of the church-group over their personal goals, callings, and objectives
• Members are psychologically traumatized and indoctrinated with numerous improper fears and phobias aimed at keeping them reeling in diffidence and an over-dependence or co-dependence on their leaders and the corporate group
• Corporately, there eventually develops an inordinately high incidence of financial, marital, moral, psychological, mental, emotional, and medical problems, including sudden deaths and contraction of "incurable" and "unknown" diseases
• Lack of true personal spiritual growth and development, especially in terms of genuine faith and experiencing the abounding grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, kindness, and agape-love of God
• Members departing without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership leave the group under a cloud of manufactured suspicion, shame, and slander
• Horror stories frequently told by leaders about individuals or families who left the group without the prior permission and blessing of the leadership, and the terrible consequences and curses they suffered as a result
• Departing members often suffer from various psychological problems and display the classic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Toxic Faith

This review of the book Toxic Faith (by Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton) is worth a look. Heavy on psychological theory, it still contains some valuable insights.

The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse

Many sources on spiritual abuse cite Jeff VanVonderen and David Johnson's book, The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. It is a groundbreaking work and is still popular today. Some say that these authors were the first to coin the term "spiritual abuse." This review provides a detached, analytical view of some kinds of spiritual abuse. The most helpful parts to me are those discussing the abusive pastor's emphasis on his own authority - called here "power posturing" - and on the Can't Talk rule. A more inclusive summary of the book, and very good checklist is here. Some highlights:

Spiritual abuse occurs when shame is “used in an attempt to get someone to support a belief, or…to fend off legitimate questions”. (p.22) “In a place where authority is grasped and legislated, not simply demonstrated, persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system. Why? Because of the evil, dangerous, or unspiritual people outside of the system who are trying to weaken or destroy ‘us’. This mentality builds a strong wall or bunker around the abusive system, isolates the abusers from scrutiny and accountability, and makes it more difficult for people to leave—because they will be outsiders, too.”

Churches that Abuse

Churches that Abuse This is now an online book (free), and it is the standard, the classic, on spiritual abuse. Ron Enroth, a California sociologist, examines in detail different traits of abuse and gives examples of some individual cases of Bible-believing churches exhibiting each trait. For those who think cultish practices only exist when non-trinitarian doctrine is present, this book should present a challenge. Churches that Abuse is important because Enroth shows that the distinction between cults (that many define as groups having serious doctrinal error) and spiritually abusive groups (holding an orthodox belief system) is minimal. Is it that big a deal that the doctrine is OK if the behavior is abusive? It isn't really out-of-line to view abusive groups, even with spotless statements of faith, as you would cults.

Heresy of Mind Control

The Heresy of Mind Control is a free online book that offers THE most detailed treatment of the subject of spiritual abuse available online, as far as I know. The author, Stephen Martin, goes into great detail and provides cogent analysis of the methods abusers use to control the flock. It is in a PDF format and is 167 pages, but it's well worth reading every page. Some of the chapter titles include the following: Milieu Control, Mystical Manipulation, The Demand for Purity, The Cult of Confession, (Thou shalt not Question) The Sacred Silence, Loading the Language, Doctrine over Person, Dispensing of Existence, From Control to Freedom. To access the book, you need to click the link at the bottom of the page.

Get over it already!

Being told to just get over it and move on? This article, by churchabuse.com, is helpful for those under condemnation for not recovering fast enough. Being Told to "Get Over It and Just Move On" is concise but useful. You had enough shame dumped on you by your abuser. You don't need more from your friends.

Twelve-step Plan for Church Abuse

Freedom in Jesus For those who have managed to leave a controlling group or cult-like church, Freedom in Jesus provides a 12-step plan for recovery, as well as some descriptions of cultish behaviors.

Recovery from Spiritual Abuse

Recovery from Spiritual Abuse is one of the few sites I've seen that directly address how to treat someone newly out of a spiritually abusive group. Though the site stresses recovery, its list of statements (for reconciling "outcasts" to God's people) is helpful even for grappling with the whole spiritual abuse issue. It kind of reminds the deceived of things they used to know but may have been brainwashed to forget:

• Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church.


• All struggle spiritually, even leaders.


• All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality).


• All make mistakes, none is infallible.


• All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves - no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.


• All need each other - none is needless.


• All have something to give and are valuable to God.


• All leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards.


• All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses.


• The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers everywhere.

Healing Spiritual Abuse

Also at Barnabas Ministry is a book review of Ken Blue's Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences. Though I haven't yet read the book, it looks like a fabulous resource. One passage quoted in the review is this:
The second classic type of spiritual abuser is the heroic, grandiose or messianic narcissist who is obsessed by a desire to be someone great or to do something unprecedented for God. Carrying out this fantasy requires the cooperation of others and access to their money. Like the first type, this leader may not consciously wish to hurt anyone; but others are hurt as they are used for the leader's and God's "higher purposes (p. 111)." In order to achieve the public support they need, these leaders make extraordinary claims for themselves or have others make them in their behalf. Such claims may include a special anointing, unusual personal sacrifice, unprecedented encounters with God, unique training, a singular teaching or leadership gift, a revelation of truth that is not available to others, or secret knowledge of God's end-times purposes. These and other claims imply that God has a special calling on this leader, and so it is the "unspecial" people's duty to admire and follow him, which they often do in droves (p. 113).

Aftereffects of Spiritually Abusive Situations

Common aftereffects of involvement in spiritually abusive churches and cults can be found listed on this site called Cult Awareness and Information Centre. Some highlights:

• flashbacks to cult life
• disassociation (spacing out) feeling “out of it”
• “Stockholm Syndrome”: knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person
• difficulty concentrating
• hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult, or the cult itself
• dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake
• loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
• dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting
• trouble holding down a job

Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind

Abusive Churches: Leaving them Behind Also from Battered Sheep, this article not only describes the painful exit process worshipers endure, but it also includes a good list of traits to look for in a church to indicate an abusive or healthy nature. Under the header Discerning Good from Abusive, Pat Zukeran includes these things to look for:

• Does the leadership invite dialogue, advice, evaluation, and questions?
• Is there a system of accountability or does the pastor keep full control?
• Does a member's personality generally become stronger, happier, and more confident as a result of being with the group?
• Are family commitments strengthened? Or are church obligations valued more than family ones?
• Does the group encourage independent thinking, development of discernment skills, and creation of new ideas?
• Is the group preoccupied with maintaining a good public image that does not match the inner circle experience?
• Does the leadership encourage members to foster relations and connections with the larger society that are more than self-serving?
• Is there a high rate of burnout among the members?

Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse

Walking Away from Spiritual Abuse, also by churchabuse.com, discusses the difficulties of leaving and of not leaving abusive groups. To someone never involved with cult-like churches, it might seem like a no-brainer. You just leave! But anyone even peripherally involved with such a group, and all the manipulative tactics used to get you deep into the tentacles of the organization, knows it's not that easy. You might have friends and family still in it, you've associated your walk with God with the group so much that sometimes it seems that walking away is the same as walking away from God. This resource is helpful not only for those needing to find a way out, but for anyone who suspects their group might be an abusive one.

I Peter 3:5

A brief reminder of what the Bible says about spiritual abuse I Peter 5:3: a page full of this verse in different translations, as well as commentary excerpts.

Is Submission Necessary?

Is submission to church leaders necessary for spiritual protection? This site, part of a larger site called Covering and Authority, provides a very clear response to the issue of "covering" in churches. It shows how recent a doctrine this is and points out the logical fallacies of the practice.

Accountability in the Bible

Accountability in the Bible Abusive churches and leaders often have a skewed view of accountability. While the peons (you) are held accountable to a human shepherd (them) often they are not held accountable to anyone.
How did authority and accountability work in the New Testament? This site from ICSA (International Cultic Studies Association) lays out the scriptural framework and points out the trouble with churches and groups that abuse people's willingness to be held accountable. Another work by the same author is this one on why Evangelicals are vulnerable to cultic influence.

Matthew 18

Matthew 18: What does it really say? This article, Principles not Procedure: How to Deal with Corrupt Church Leadership, by Kevin Johnson on a site called Prophezei, looks at the context of Matthew 18 and makes the case that sometimes, the best option is to simply leave.

Stop Spiritual Abuse

Stop Spiritual Abuse contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems. Are pastors more anointed? This article by John R. Anderson corrects a basic misunderstanding and reminds readers of the "priesthood of all believers" mentioned in Revelation 1:6. After reading this, you'll realize how absurd it is to take certain Biblical passages the way abusive pastors use them.Other headings include these: Christians criticizing Christians: Is it biblical?; Unlimited authority from Twisted Scriptures by Mary Alice Chrnalogar; Beyond Accountibility from the same author; and a whole lot of others.

Stop Spiritual Abuse

Stop Spiritual Abuse contains an abundance of articles that challenge abusive systems. It also has articles on practical suggestions for helping someone out of a cult or spiritually abusive situation. This site contains MANY articles, most of them informative and thought-provoking.
Are Pastors More Annointed?
Authority Unlimited
Christians Criticizing Christians, Can it be Biblical?
Beyond Accountability
Mind Control and Religion
Scripture Twisting Methods
Spiritual Pride

Many more great articles, too.

The Bible and Spiritual Abuse

The Bible and Spiritual Abuse is helpful for those so convinced their abusive leader or group is true to scripture that they won't listen to their own conscience or pleadings of concerned friends and relatives. For those suspicious of human reason alone, this combines reason with a healthy dose of scripture that points out that today's abusers are more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Those who won't listen to "worldly" articles might take a look at this because it is grounded in scripture. Henzel is very convincing in his Bible-based reasoning.

Are you an abusive pastor or church leader?

Thugs in the Pulpit Are you, yourself, an abusive pastor or church leader? This article by Richard Dobbins in ministrytodaymag.com includes a list of indicators that one might be a spiritually abusive pastor. Scroll down to the Looking Inside section. Some items include the following:

• I see myself as someone "special" who can only be understood by other "special" or high-status people.


• I require excessive admiration and feel entitled to special treatment.


• Others are expected to automatically comply with my expectations.


• I am preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends and associates.


• I fear confiding in people since they may maliciously use any information I give them to do me harm.


• I read demeaning or threatening meanings into innocent remarks.


• I bear grudges and am unforgiving of others I feel have harmed me.


• I am quick to perceive attacks on my character or reputation that are not apparent to others and react angrily or counterattack.


• I am uncomfortable in situations where I am not the center of attention.

Scroll to the bottom of this site for an article on 9 Characteristics of Control Freak Pastors

Spiritual Abuse Survey

Church Abuse.com features a short checklist to help you determine whether your group or church is abusive or not. There are many such checklists online and they are all a little different. Some emphasize certain abusive behaviors and not others, while others will emphasize a different set of abusive traits. Abusive churches come in many varieties and will not likely match up exactly to any of these checklists. Still, they are helpful because they show that these behaviors are common.

10 Signs of Spiritual Abuse

Another list of warning signs, this one from I am Listening. The first four are especially insightful:

1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you.

2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority.

3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril.

4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal.

Are You a Victim of Mind Control?

From Spotlight Ministries, Are You the Victim of Mind Control? contains a useful checklist to see if your group is becoming a cult:

• Do you feel that no matter how hard you try, the ‘good deeds’ you perform for your group or pastor are never quite enough? As a result of this do you often feel plagued with feelings of guilt?
• What are you motivated by? Is it genuine love for God and the group etc., or is it fear of not meeting the desired standards.
• Is questioning the group, or the group leaders, discouraged or frowned upon?
  Does the group you belong to believe that it is an elite and exclusive organisation which alone has ‘the truth’ and answers to life’s questions?
• Does the pastor pour scorn upon, attack, and mock other Christian churches and their interpretation of the Bible?
• Is reading any literature critical of the group discouraged? Many cults will warn members not to read anything critical of the group, especially if written by an ex-member (who are called names by the cult such as “apostate”, “hardened”, or “of the devil” etc.). This is a well known information control technique to stop the member from discovering the clear and documented errors of the cult. Members' abilities to think for themselves is effectively disarmed in this way. Instead, they will think more and more as the rest of the group thinks.
• Take a look at the way the group looks and acts. Does everyone dress more or less the same, act the same, and talk the same? One observer, speaking of his particular involvement with a cult, said that the group encouraged its members “to do everything in exactly the same way - to pray the same, to look the same, to talk the same. This in psychology is a classic example of group conformity. Its purpose is to ensure that no-one tries to act differently or become dissident, thus nobody questions the status quo.” (Andrew Hart, Jan. 1999).
• Does the group discourage association with non-members (except, maybe, for the possibility of converting them to the group)?
• Does the pastor give you ‘black and white answers’? What the pastor agrees with is right and what the pastor disagrees with is wrong.
• Does everyone in the group believe exactly the same things (i.e. what the group leaders tell them to believe)?
• Is there no room for individual belief, or opinion even in minor areas?
• Does the group wear ‘two faces’? On the one hand, does it attempt to present itself, to potential converts and the public at large, as a group of people who are like one large family, who have love among themselves, where everyone is equal? But on the other hand, the reality is, that many members inwardly feel unfulfilled and emotionally exhausted?
• Have you attempted to disable your own God-given critical thinking abilities by ‘shelving’ various doubts about the pastor or group’s teachings etc.
• Are others in the group, who do not conform to the requirements of the movement’s teaching, treated with suspicion, and treated like second class members?
• Does the group tend to withhold certain information from the potential convert? Are the more unusual doctrines of the group not discussed until an individual is more deeply involved in the movement?
• Do you feel fearful of leaving the group? Many cults use subtle fear tactics to stop members from leaving. For example, the group may imply that those who leave will be attacked by the Devil, have a nasty accident, or at least not prosper because they have left ‘the truth’.

Spiritual Abuse Questionaire

For the most extreme groups, this site might be helpful. Spiritual Abuse Questionnaire lists so many extreme behaviors that the group would have to be off the charts if it had all these problems. A church could display a tenth of these and still be very abusive. If you find yourself answering YES to many of these, you might want to make a dash for the hills.

Is your church healthy or unhealthy?

Is your church healthy or unhealthy? Battered Sheep credits a Control Techniques pamphlet with this decent overview.

Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity

an interesting discussion of the molding that takes place under the influence of narcissists called Human Chameleons and Brain Plasticity. Some examples:

• will often manipulate minor bullies... into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
• is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
• gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
• revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
• when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
• is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers
• is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath

Characteristics of a Sociopath

Characteristics of a Sociopath, quoted in a brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, Tales from the Crypt. Unfortunately, not always open to public view Tales of the Crypt gives a list of traits associated with sociopaths, and you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers.

Also, on that site was (not sure it's still accessible)this very insightful list of common excuses people give for their abusive pastors and church leaders:

• a) They aren’t like that all the time
• b) They are only like that with you
• c) They didn’t really mean it
• d) You don’t really understand them
• e) You are just being difficult
• f) You must have a problem with them (do you think?)
• g) That’s just the way they are
• h) They are just very passionate about their work

When Has Authority Gone Too Far?

When has Authority Gone Too Far? This article, also a Battered Sheep contribution, highlights the unhealthy way we've turned pastors to gods. It includes a list of 11 marks of perverted authority:

The claim of direct authority from God, rather than testing things by the Word

The command is to "submit to me," rather than "I will serve you"

The method of leadership is to "order" people around, rather than to appeal for them to do the right things

There is a dominating, "pushy" drive instead of a dependence on God to direct

There is a sense of control, rather than a sense of support

A gift is exploited so that others are made to feel dependent on it

There is an inflexibility--"don't question me"--"don't touch the Lord's anointed"

There is unapproachability and intimidation--the "aura" around the leader keeps the followers in "awe"

There emerges an organization built around a man and his peculiar emphases instead of around Christ and His Word

There will be cyclical challenges to the authority figure (which are immediately and forcefully purged)

There is more concern for maintaining the authoritarian structure than there is for caring about the people in it

Mind Control

Another site that shows the techniques abusers use, and compares them to mind control techniques used on prisoners of war is this from Margaret Singer's 6 Conditions for Thought Reform listed on the web site Refocus. This is more for hard-core cult followers, but some of the techniques used are recognizable in spiritually abusive groups that have not (yet) turned into cults.

Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate

Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate: Decent list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here is a sample: Intimidation and accusation are the most often used. For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged.

Divination - Is it Real or Fake?

Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? This article, by churchabuse.com, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. Divination - Is it Real or Fake? shows how easy it is not to let abusive pastors have power over you in this way.

Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse

This brief and clearly organized article from Australia called The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse cuts to the heart of the matter and discusses the four "rules" of spiritual abuse: Don't trust, Don't think, Don't talk and Don't question. Graham Barker, the author, also provides several short case studies.

What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church?

What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: If your god is not God, fire him. Highlights:
Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick:

The angry, abusive god

The abandoning god

The inattentive god

The impotent god

The shaming god

Flattery and manipulation

Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. This article from Wittenberg Gate explores the danger of flattery.

Battered Sheep

Battered Sheep Ministries: This page provides links to various articles on the topic of spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: Abuse of Authority in the Church; The Bible and Spiritual Abuse; Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies? and many other great resources.

Australian Clergy Abuse

This Australian site called Clare's Blog: Clergy Abuse Australia, (also drawing on The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse) sums up spiritual abuse nicely for any spiritually abusive situation, in Australia or anywhere else. Part of the post includes this list:

Other contenders for spritually abusive characteristics:

1) Loyalty to the group/minister is equated to loyalty to God.

2) Using biblical texts to assert control.

3) Pressure to convert - for example “we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and it’s important you make a decision NOW”.

4) Guilt giving - that is, intimidation to give, such as “giving less than X is withholding yourself from God [or, stealing from God, according to Malachi 3:8]“.

5) Inherited leadership - such as the minister’s son becoming the youth leader, without any form of selection process. This, in itself, is not abusive, but it certainly allows for the perpetuation of abuse by keeping the already-established patterns of behaviour in-house. Unfortunately, in a congregation that is being systematically spiritually abused, such inherited leadership is often celebrated rather than questioned.

Narcissism in the Pulpit

Narcissism in the Pulpit, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."
Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...

Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual Abuse by Scott Nicloy, a Salvation Army counselor. This article explores reasons behind spiritual abuse and the sometimes unintended nature of it. It also includes something on former alcoholics who become spiritually abusive pastors, an angle I had not seen before. Nicloy talks about black and white thinking, zealotry, power hunger, perfectionism, isolationism and other signs of an abusive church.

Abuser Characteristics

Discovered at Under Much Grace blog is this perceptive collection of abuser traits - culled from several sources - entitled Characteristics of a Spiritual Abuser. It's all fascinating stuff, but among the most interesting to me are these headings: Demystifying the guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic.

Eight Signs of an Aberrational Group

Also describing "fringe" groups is the New England Institute of Religious Research with Eight Signs of an Aberrational Christian or Bible-based Group:

• Scripture twisting
• Controlling leader or leadership
• Separation or isolation of members
• The chosen few (spiritual elitism)
• Uniformity of lifestyle
• No dissent
• Traumatic departure
• In transition (to a less healthy system)

Voices from the Fringe

Voices from the Fringe is a good place to see what kinds of extremes spiritual abuse can lead to. Ron Enroth, author of Churches that Abuse (see above), writes about different techniques abusive groups use and what the result is. Enroth lists the common threads he finds in these groups:

• An emphasis on spiritual experiences
• An increased focus on the role of demons
• A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
• A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
• An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
• Few checks and balances
• Minimal leadership accountability
• A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics

Barnabas Ministry

Barnabas Ministry offers a well-organized site that helps someone in a questionable church decide if their church is leaning toward the unhealthy or dangerous. It summarizes traits from different sources on the subject of spiritual abuse, then gives a list of things to watch for, and then asks some questions that should help anyone who is confused about the direction their church is going. The one problem with the site, however, is that for part of the site (at least in my browsers), you must scroll sideways for a long time in order to read each line. Very annoying.
Some of the evaluation questions:

• What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?


• Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?


• Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?


• Do you see problems with the system?


• Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?


• Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?


• Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?

On another page of Barnabas Ministry , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.

Abusive Churches

Abusive Churches by Pat Zukeran is based on Ron Enroth's book, Churches that Abuse. It details abusive techniques without the stories of abuse and is more description than narration. A quick reference. Some of the items Zukeran lists are these: Control-oriented leadership; manipulation of members; rigid, legalistic lifestyle; frequent changing of group/church name; denouncing of all other churches; painful exit process; targeting young adults. A more readable version is HERE.

Warning Signs

Warning Signs is cult expert Rick Ross's list of things to look for, not just in a potential cult leader, but in those who are followers of cult leaders -- and also what to look for in a safe group.

This is an essential list for anyone looking to attend a new church because you never know at first what kind of group you may be joining. At first, spiritually abusive groups often bombard new members or attendees with love and care. Some warning signs of abusive leaders:

• Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability


• no tolerance for questions or critical inquiry


• unrealistic fears about the outside world


• the leader always needing to be right.


• Some warning signs of cult followers:


• Leader criticism is characterized as "persecution"


• extreme obsessiveness toward leader or group, resulting in the exclusion of every practical concern


• a dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor


• former followers are, at best, considered negatively, and at worst considered evil


• anything the leader does can be justified, no matter how harsh or harmful.

Rest Ministries

Rest Ministries This site includes a peek into what constitutes spiritual abuse. It is a valuable resource because it cuts through the tangled nature of abusive groups and pulls it apart into clear categories that are easy to explore. The site goes into great detail on ways abusive leaders manipulate and abuse their authority. The only drawback of the site is that chapters on elitism, denunciation of outsiders, spiritual intimidation, legalism, false unity and others have remained "under construction" for years. It's too bad because it looked like a helpful list. In any case, the pages on manipulation and authoritarianism are excellent.