Wednesday, October 19, 2011
For Moses Model Churches
One astute commenter says this: It seemed to us the CC organization would want to know about one of their own that was causing harm to many people. I eventually found that not to be the case when it came to my attention on PP blog that my story was not unusual within CC. I read account after account of much the same thing that had happened to others … sounded like it was the same pastor … yet we were all over the country … or even other countries … in small & large CCs. So often it seemed like people were talking about the same pastor yet that was not the case. Each with stories of the harm unchecked power can cause.
It "sounded like it was the same pastor." This is telling. When you study spiritual abuse, you see that the same authoritarian and manipulative behaviors occur over and over. The same author. The same signature. To actually read the accounts can help you if you are going through a spiritually abusive situation. Sometimes you can even predict the next step because it's happened all before with someone else. Very eye-opening.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Religious Cults Info
One post that clearly demonstrates the interference in personal lives exercised by this group is called AM I WRONG? PLEASE LET ME KNOW later linked and called The Toilet Paper Revelation. It describes a situation in which his pastor announces that God has shown her the correct way to handle toilet paper.
Really.
It describes the way members tried to comply with correct toilet paper usage. An excerpt from the post:
The fallout from this service was amazing. True to form, children began to scrutinize the paper habits of those in their household! There were self-appointed “TP Police”. Some were more vocal than others. Do you know the thoughts that one would have when you finished and had to make to the choice, fold or not fold? Or if it was your turn to change the roll, over or under? The pressure to be on the right side of this revelation was VERY GREAT! Because many households had more than one family, bathroom habits were visible by more than your immediate family members.
If you are trying to demonstrate to someone the controlling nature of spiritually abusive groups, this site is a must.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The agony of seeing spiritual abuse for what it is
Monday, June 6, 2011
Covering your Pastor's Nakedness
Efinda says that it becomes a spiritual test, "When a spiritual son happens to witness his dad in a sinful act, he needs to treat the incident as a divine test of his own loyalty and must promptly cover dad’s nakedness."
This justifies the perpetuation of abuse in churches and groups and gives a scriptural veneer to the most atrocious acts of the clergy.
Those who help abusive pastors, then, think they are doing something noble, when in reality they cement in place abusive church leaders.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Matthew 18
It has been noted by more than one that quite likely this passage about going to a brother privately and then taking two or more and then to the church is a process which is primarily concerned with dealing with sin in and among a circle of leadership that you are a part of since our Lord was talking to the would be leaders of the church as he outlined these things. These are the men who are to treat little children with the dignity they deserve granted to them by our Father in heaven, the ones who ought to be going after the one instead of the ninety-nine, and the ones who have received forgiveness at the hands of our Lord and should not forget that same graciousness when dealing with those under their charge who also owe them as well. That is the context of Matthew 18 and we find our Lord’s words about offenses in and among this context.
There is nothing in the passage that says that this is how a layman must approach a pastor or session in confronting sin. Wisdom should tell you that the deck is already stacked against you and to think this is the way to proceed in every case is to go well beyond what the basic outline of Matthew 18 proposes. Nor is there anything here in this 18th chapter as to how a person must confront their leadership at all with sin. It may very well be that the wisest thing to do in that type of situation is to leave as quietly as possible and not utter a word to the leadership or others that you have issues with what they have done.
There is much more to the article, and it deserves a thorough reading by anyone debating the proper context or usage of that passage.
New book on Spiritual Abuse
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sometimes they see
Thursday, April 1, 2010
When pastors interfere with a marriage
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Rick Ross Forums
Cults, Sects and New Religious Movements;
Abusive and Controllling Relationships;
Coercive Persuasion and Undue Influence;
Destructive Churchs
Some who are entangled in manipulative groups have found the strength to get out through interactions on forums like these.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Kira Love Counseling
Kira has a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Seattle Pacific University, with a focus on individual and couples’ work. She also earned a B.S. in Organizational Behavior at Seattle Pacific University. She is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), and she is accountable to the ethical codes of both the AACC and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). This information was taken from her site. She also says this:
I counsel individuals, couples and families from a systemic, holistic lens, treating many disorders, issues, and life struggles, with a focus on: ~ complex and/or post traumatic stress disorders ~ childhood neglect and abandonment ~ insecure attachment styles and reparation ~ trauma and abuse (including spiritual/clergy and professional abuse) ~ grief and loss ~ depression and anxiety ~ relationship betrayal and crisis ~ pre-marital ~ drug, alcohol and food addictions ~ life transition and personal growth. You can find more information on her site linked above.
Breaking the Chains: Overcoming the Spiritual Abuse of a False Gospel
Howerton’s story is detailed and gripping. Because she was born into this cultish church, you will not learn much about the way such groups lure people in the first place, but you will see the mechanisms in place for keeping them captive once they belong. The intertwined relationships of family members, elitist doctrines and inculcated fears are clearly depicted.
In reading Breaking the Chains, you see one woman’s struggle to stay obedient, to follow the dictates of leaders, to conform to the expectations of the group while also fighting to maintain her personal identity. You follow the development of her mind and her search for truth and see her finally reach a point where she can break free from the bonds that held her life for decades.
It is sometimes hard to keep different individuals straight, especially toward the end, but it really makes no difference. The image of the church is a monolith and members work together as one to preserve the image at all costs.
Church leaders covered up pedophilia and sexual abuse, exerted pressure on members and their families, controlled through manipulative techniques very personal parts of members' lives and caused much pain and anguish. Members could not see that there was anything wrong with the controlling nature of the church and ostracized those who raised questions.
The role of the Internet in helping Howerton affirm her choice to break free from the group is made clear. Postings on message boards allowed former members to find each other and compare notes, resulting in a sense of wholeness and release. More on the main Provender site.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Paranoia and vision-driven churches
Though Pajama Pages is looking specifically at one church, the vocabulary is something cropping up elsewhere and suggests that members of such "visionary" churches be on guard for leadership paranoia and the spiritual abuse that often accompanies it.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
When leadership apathy encourages spiritual abuse
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Newspaper in California covers spiritual abuse
The paper examined the issue of spiritual abuse in a story titled Some Sacramento-area faithful turn backs on pastors, 'spiritual abuse' published in December 2009. At least 20 pages of comments followed the story, some revealing other incidents of abuse.
Spiritual abuse is a topic that churches neglect and that secular sources often don't care about or understand.
It is a hopeful development for a major media source like the Bee to take notice and investigate this issue. Spiritual abuse devastates families, destroys faith, hurts other churches that are tainted by neighboring church mistreatment and scandal, and leaves a lot of people disillusioned and lost.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Manipulation in Churches
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wicked Shepherds
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Loveliness of God Amidst Pain
Monday, November 16, 2009
Ex-members of church say pastor abused his power
The Sacramento Bee highlights a story about spiritual abuse in California. Members bought houses close together on the same cul-de-sac and lived subservient lives, so that some observers called it a "cult-de-sac. " This guy allegedly raked in thousands and lived quite comfortably while his devotees scrambled to survive. The sad part is how this so burned members that the ones mentioned in the story no longer want anything to do with churches. One member claims he was defrauded of more than two hundred thousand dollars. They talk of the pastor going on Maui vacations and staying in 5-star hotels. Envelopes of cash were handed to the pastor after services. It will be interesting to see the outcome of this case.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Silly Women
Monday, October 19, 2009
Red Flags
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse
Monday, September 21, 2009
Spiritually Abusive Vocabulary
The other is a Provender post, A Model of Spiritually Abusive Language, using a letter from a blog as a model. The letter uses many spiritually abusive techniques to shame its recipient, and it's enlightening to look at each method the writer uses to bring down his victim.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Con Artist Pastors
Con artists share these traits:
- tend to be excellent conversationalists
- exploit our human weaknesses like greed, dishonesty, vanity, compassion or just a naïve expectation of good faith
- are psychopaths with antisocial personality disorder, or ASP, that begins in early childhood or adolescence.
- are often witty and articulate. When they get to the pulpits, they can be very effective in presenting themselves well and are often very likable and charming, but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.
- look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside.
- see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt.
- claim a special anointing. They believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them.
- display their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything.
- appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention.
- can apologize easily, but there is no sign of true repentance.
- don't feel love or guilt; tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt.
- discredit their accusers when they are confronted.
- cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations.
- are clever, and often able to keep from being caught.
- have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant.
- are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs.
The purpose of this article is to learn the modus operandi of the con artists in our churches, then to resort to stay very far away from them, avoid them at all costs.
Here are some disturbing patterns that believers will also do good to watch for:
- Con artists, in the clergy, play with our inner beliefs or ignorance.
- Con artist pastors focus on mind control. They want to create “dumb sheep”. They specialize in teaching people what to think. They condemn, ridicule, or get rid of those who have an “independent spirit”. They label or use character assassination on those who refuse to go along.
- Con artists pastors don’t operate alone, they hide behind “shills” or “co-conspirators”. They usually find someone that the members know and respect for his/her integrity to give their message a high level of credibility. By so doing, the credibility of the speaker will dispel any hidden agenda.
- Con artists pastors ask for trust just because “I am the pastor”. They just adore their titles of “pastors”. Jesus said about them: “They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi (Mat 23:7). Most church goers will not question the credibility of a “mfundisi” or pastor.
- Con artists pastors tend to ignore the evidence by simply discarding the truth as “a devil scheme”.
- Con artists pastors create a problem, and then pursue (refuse?) to offer a solution. By so doing, chaos, confusion, grief, misery and all the related negative emotions, conditions and circumstances are at play to manipulate people to make choices that under other circumstances they would never consider.
- Con artists pastors use guilt projection and condemnation to induce “spiritual conversion”.
- Con artists pastors set up a secret language. They use “hinting” to manipulate people into giving them their resources; they give ambiguous orders so that if anything backfires they could safely deny it, then reject the responsibility and the blame on some one else.
- Con artists pastors are easily offended. When they are caught in an unethical action, they often feign offence, or become dramatic. This tactic will often put the accuser on the defensive and derail the confrontation.
- Con artists pastors are capable of the unthinkable to muzzle the truth.“But evil people and phony preachers will go from bad to worse as they mislead people and are themselves misled.” [2Ti 3:13]
When a believer finally discovers that he/she has been victim of a con artist pastor, guilt and shame ensue. But anyone can be a victim, even a person who is considered too intelligent or too spiritual can be conned.
There is a simple way to prevent self from being a victim: “Ask questions, ask the “pastor” to show you his claims in the scripture, then get another opinion and/or search for yourself.”
Any good pastor will welcome reasonable questions or bona fide fact finding, and will not urge anyone to take a quick decision.
Con artist pastors just hate confrontation; they will get rid of you as soon as you become too inquisitive. If you have fallen prey to a con artist pastor, don’t let the guilt and the shame overpower you. Rather run to the cross, plead the blood of Christ, repent and receive His grace, forgive the persecutor to kill any root of bitterness, revoke and cancel any allegiance you pledge with the persecutor and then cast out the devil and his hosts in the name of Jesus Christ.
It might also be useful to seek counseling and deliverance from a reputable ministry or therapist.
The con artists in the clergy are usually "too smart by half." Eventually, their lies catch up with them. They are forced to cover lies with more lies. When it gets to be too much to believe, others begin to feel betrayed, or used.“Make no mistake about this: You can never make a fool out of God. Whatever you plant is what you'll harvest.” [Gal 6:7]
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
If you don't like it, why don't you just leave?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Are you enabling an abusive church leader?
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Video Resources on Spiritual Abuse
Provender
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Abusive, Manipulative Relationships
Friday, September 4, 2009
The Bereans
Thursday, August 13, 2009
God works even in dangerous places
If people are saved at my church, how can it be spiritually abusive? This article from truthguard.com points out that God can work in the darkest places, and that just because God works somewhere doesn't mean it has His stamp of approval.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Restoring the Heart blog
Restoring the Heart blog summarizes aftereffects of spiritual abuse mentioned in VanVonderan and Johnson's The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. It is a good resource because it is a blog from someone newly out of an abusive situation, sharing the unique insights of someone from a freshly-wounded perspective.
Ten Characteristics of Abused and Wounded Christians
Cults and Aberrant Groups
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sociopathic leaders?
Unfortunately, not always open to public view Characteristics of a Sociopath, quoted in a now private, brave blog of survivors from a cult-like fellowship in Australia, Tales from the Crypt. By viewing a list of traits associated with sociopaths, you can get a feel for things to watch out for if your group leader or pastor seems to be leading in an abusive direction. Gives a very detailed description of how abusive people manipulate followers.
Turning Pastors to gods
Mind Control
Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate
Common Characteristics of How Cults Operate: Thoughtful list that pinpoints techniques that cults, and controlling churches, use to capture and keep followers. Here are a few: Intimidation and accusation .... For example, any questioning of authority is treated as rebellion, and not trusting. They suppress questions and conform to the group’s behavior. They Discourage Critical or Rational Thought and Questions. They will reply with comments like, "Satan is the cause of all doubt; he is keeping you from the Truth," or it will take time to understand the deep things of God. Critical thinking is discouraged being called prideful or sinful or rebellious. No independent thinking is encouraged.
churchabuse.com
When the pastor says, "I know your heart"
I Know Your Heart
Does your pastor pretend he "knows your heart"? Divination, Is It Real or Fake? by churchabuse.com, shows that the little mind tricks your pastor plays on you are not much different from occultic practices. I never would have thought of these tactics as "divination" but when you look closely at what these pastors are doing, that's exactly what it is. Training you to use them as an eight-ball, more or less. A quote from the article: After being convinced that they had these powers over us, many of us gave these people control over our minds and our lives out of fear. This is one of the biggest hurdles to cross after escaping a spiritually abusive group.
The Insidious Harm of Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual Abuse as Idolatry
What god are you worshiping in a spiritually abusive church? That is the question Dale Ryan seeks to answer in his article: If your god is not God, fire him. Highlights:
Let me be clear about this. The god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive is not a “distorted image of God.” It is the opposite of God. It’s the wrong god. It’s not God at all. It’s not that I was looking in the right direction but just couldn’t see clearly. I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. It was the wrong god. There is, of course, a whole pantheon of not-Gods. Take your pick:
The angry, abusive god
The abandoning god
The inattentive god
The impotent god
The shaming god
Use of Flattery in Spiritual Abuse
Many abusive pastors use flattery to manipulate. This article from Wittenberg Gate explores the danger of flattery.
Battered Sheep
Battered Sheep Ministries: This site is a treasure trove of spiritual abuse resources. It provides links to various articles on spiritual abuse. Titles include these and many more: Abuse of Authority in the Church; The Bible and Spiritual Abuse; Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies? and many other great resources.
Clare's Blog
Narcissism in the Pulpit
Narcissism in the Pulpit, includes a wealth of good information about what's behind a leader's need to control abusively. (The spooky, medieval background template behind this page is annoying as anything, but I found that cutting and pasting into a Word file is helpful, and the information is worth the trouble.) The site uses a World Health Organization definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations..."
Authoritarian pastors may be driven by a personality disorder like this one. Knowing what to expect and how manipulation works can be quite helpful, especially for those still enmeshed in an abusive situation. Five of nine listed criteria must be met for someone to be categorized as a clinical narcissist. Among them: obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, interpersonally exploitive, sense of entitlement, firmly convinced of own uniqueness and specialness...
Spiritual Abuse
Characteristics of a Spiritual Abuser
Discovered at Under Much Grace blog is this perceptive collection of abuser traits - culled from several sources - entitled Characteristics of a Spiritual Abuser. It's all fascinating stuff, but among the most interesting to me are these headings: Demystifying the guru's power (why do we assign such power to these mere men and women?) and The Authoritarian Power Dynamic
Fringe Churches
- An emphasis on spiritual experiences
- An increased focus on the role of demons
- A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
- A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
- An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
- Few checks and balances
- Minimal leadership accountability
- A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics
Friday, August 7, 2009
Barnabas Ministry
Some of the evaluation questions:
What did you spend your time on this week with regards to the group?
Did you really want to do it, or did you do it only because you were told to do it?
Did you "filter" anything from a higher-up to a subordinate?
Do you see problems with the system?
Do you have any way to bring these up and have them taken seriously?
Do you find yourself making statements and positions of the leadership more palatable for others?
Do you really want others to have what you have concerning your church?
On another page of Barnabas Ministry , called Uncovering and Facing Spiritual Abuse, is an account of an abusive situation that may not at first be recognized as abusive.
Voices from the Fringe
- An emphasis on spiritual experiences
- An increased focus on the role of demons
- A large proportion of members with personal, emotional, and dependency needs
- A teaching emphasis on attitudinal sins (such as rebelliousness, lack of submission, pride, and self-centeredness)
- An unhealthy dependence on those in authority
- Few checks and balances
- Minimal leadership accountability
- A defensiveness that results in intolerance of member-critics
Quivering Daughters Blog
VM Life Resources
What Really Matters blog
Spiritually Authority Weirdness
Under Much Grace
Under Much Grace is frequently updated and lists many helpful observations about spiritual abuse. Some of the articles it links to include titles such as these: Why doctrinal statements tell you nothing of the unwritten rules of manipulative groups; Thought reform and Lifton 101; The elements of spiritual abuse; cult leaders and con artists; Why it's so hard to leave an abusive situation. The analysis in some of these articles is very enlightening and helpful. Also, it has lately been organized in an extremely useful way, with clear links to good sources.
The Cult Next Door
Another blog with a panoply of resources